im leaving on a jetplane in 3 days time!

sat/sun: exco retreat
sun/mon: leaving on jet plane!

dear God, i pray that you will watch over us and bless us with journey mercies during this trip. Grant us wisdom to practise discretion and make the best decisions for the group. May it be a fruitful trip such that we may come back feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world (or rather, another academic semester in SMU) again. Amen!

don’t miss me too much

thinking that BGRs are but forms of guilty pleasure and/or means of escapsim could very well be a manifestation of the cynic in me.

haha seriously, sometimes it’s not that you don’t want a relationship (r/s). there are so many other factors to consider before you dive into one. sometimes just by looking at current situation around you, you know that it’s really a luxury that you can’t afford. there are so many other things that need your attention, so many other more important things. in other words, r/s may not be priority when you have other more pressing issues to deal with. of course, you may debunk my argument by saying that, there will always be issues out there for me to attend to, so in that case, i will never go into one (r/s)? ah this brings us to a well-debated topic of “when is the right time? how do you know he is the one?”, of which i am lazy and tired at this point to elaborate. haha. let’s just say that when it comes, it’ll come, and more importantly, you’ll know.

someone recently told me, “i think you’ll be the first to marry among us…you’ll probably marry young.“ it’s funny how a few years ago i would probably abhor at the thought of marrying young, but now after being more exposed to various viewpoints and drawing from other couple’s experiences, i am beginning to see the value and rationale behind it. it’s ironic however, that when asked to list down the reasons for it, i simply can’t.

you’ll probably be thinking, why is such a young girl thinking about such things now? i wldn’t blame you for laughing at me, because i am laughing at myself too – haha. but really, i am doing this for my own sake. my own documentation of my growth, developing in my maturity. i know that few years down the road when i manage the pleasure of having some time on my hands, i’ll read through my past entries and marvel at how i have grown over the years. i would probably have a good laugh, then, looking at how juvenile my current thoughts and perspectives on marriage are. *shrugs* that could be very well a possibility. i mean, who is to tell? who else but God knows how my life would turn out in the next couple of years? i wait in anticipation.

back to my friend’s comment. well, we’ll see. i’ll first wait for the day when one guy comes and erm, sweeps me off my feet. in the meantime, i shall have other things to attend to.

Girls shouldn’t assume that a guy likes her until he says it;
Guys shouldn’t assume that a girl rejects him until she says it.
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.
.
.
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Haha, i think it’s possible that we may have just committed both errors.

whoa, new revelation today. haha.
okay all the best to you.
i will you all the best in your new endeavour.

someone told me yesterday;
“never let the fear of rejection stop you from saying you like someone, at most, you only lose in terms of being rejected.”
hmm, food for thought.
i figured out an inherent dilemma – shall elaborate it next time.

had an awesome time talking a “walk” from vivocity> mt faber> henderson waves> hort park with mel, abby and liz seah yesterday. settled down for a picnic lunch (subway) at a shelter at hort park after it started raining. never been to hort park before, such a queer and interesting place, never knew singapore had such things. had an awesome time. these girls are so special to me; the fact that we can do smth so simple yet have so much joy and fun in it, really means alot to me. thank God for them (:

met up with jeremy, kelvin and sihan to discuss about OCIP plans! can’t wait to fly off, it’ll be good to leave singapore for sometime. dear God, I pray that you’ll watch over us and that it’ll be a fruitful trip for each of us.

went to meet kamil, lemin and crystal for exco dinner at raffles city oasaka town (t’was was the place i had dinner with my family the last time, except at the orchard central branch). it was so awesome to have us sharing so openly about things and having a great laugh over them. there were moments which flashed past where i felt it was such a privilege for me to be with these group of people, eventually knowing that we’ll be spending time working together. though workload may be heavier since there’s only 4 of us in the exco, i consider it in fact, a blessing to have a small group to work with. spent like the next few hours discussing impt and salient issues facing the corps, then minister mentor shawn and jasper came to join us. we stayed and talked till about 1 am plus at starbucks. haha. talk about commitment.

okay going doctor now. gonna ask if i shld take h1n1 vaccine jab.

sometimes poems can compensate when one is at a loss for words.

 ~*~

Desparately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, “Child, you must wait.”

“Wait? You say, wait!” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate
hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, go-ahead and sign,
or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe
we need but to ask, and we shall recieve.
And Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taught
and grumbling to God, “So, I’m waiting… for what?”

He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want–But, you wouldn’t know Me.

You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint;
You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;

You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit decends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and I save… (for a start),
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of the infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that “My grace is sufficient for Thee.”
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I’m doing in you!

So, be silent, My Child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft’ My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer is still, “Wait.”

~*~

and after reading this, that’s when she cried.
she knew that despite all that happened, God was right.
to wait was the answer, she had tried hard to deny
but now that it was made clear, that she can’t fight. 

maybe it was the timing, maybe it was the guy
she had thought about it long, hard, and why
then she realised that’s not the way to go
but rather her future for God’s hand to hold.

—

sometimes things just don’t turn out the way you want or hope to.
no expectations, no pain. but no pain, no gain!
so i guess everytime opportunities come,
there would be substantial risk.
it’s a gamble on emotions.
gotta prepare for whatever circumstances.
gotta live life with no regrets.

things would become clearer as time goes by.
so just wait and see.
 

dear God, i pray for wisdom to guide me in my actions and speech, and obedience to allow your plans to work in my life. Let your will be done.

ah, what the heck. im twenty.
im having the time of my life now (:

i never expected that hitting the big two would be like this.

a day of surprises, a day of revelations.
a day of turning points, soon to be set in stone in my course of history. 

dear God, what is it that you’re trying to teach me now?

democracy came to life today in sess sr 5.2!
where, “your vote counts.” – brother pang

I thought I had it all planned out. But I guess God had better plans.
Really making my money’s worth in SMU man,
especially with all these invaluable lessons and experiences.
tough, but i will take it.

The learning and recovery from disappointment in life are in themselves precious lessons;
only those who choose to deal with them positively find true appreciation and value in them.

today had been a long day:
training
performance
photoshoot
elections
dinner cum celebration

tiring as it may be, well, i guess, i wldn’t have had it another way.

It’s not the end. In fact, it has just begun.

happy songs make me happy (:

God is unfailing. He gives me grades that I don’t deserve.
He gives me opportunities beyond measure.

i thank you Lord for all the things you have blessed me with, be it good or bad. i thank you for giving me the strength to get through each of them (:

every new day Your glory unfolds!

I found this anonymous letter:

“I now pen these thoughts without the fear of judgement, without the fear of being judged, except by the one and only which is God. Even then, my fear isn’t quite justified given that He already knows my innermost thoughts even before I have written the very first word in this letter.

I shall refuse to give in to your advances because they are ambiguous and you may very well be just leading me on. I wish that you are clearer of your affections before you turn them on me. I know that you’re probably just testing the waters but if you’re hoping to get some answers from me, via signals or words showing some form of reciprocation, then I’m sorry. I can’t give that to you -at least from now on- I am too prideful for that. You have to be sure of youself, before you can be sure of me. Now, is that too much to ask?

And maybe all these could very well be just a figment of my imagination. I think that would be quite sad, because you have broken down a barrier which I have erected in my heart, of which I have struggled on countless of occasions to guard. And knowing that I’ve let it open -to you- albeit on just a few occasions, to things and feelings that were never really real (or were simply confused for that matter), certainly doesn’t do much good to me.

So before I get led on any further, be through your ambiguous advances (perhaps there’s a -hopefully- noble explanation or agenda behind it, or maybe they were just manifestations of my almost craze-like thoughts; picturing something that never really existed in the first place – I am a very imaginative person, a thinker by default.), I will guard. Inoculation at work here probably? Your advances, made weak by ambiguity, has made me guard more than ever. Not because of the fear or rejection, but for the love and obedience to His word. I guard because I want to be content in God, not because I fear being hurt.

I trust that when that comes, when you and I are ready, or maybe the former may be someone else, whatever it is, that God will provide a way for both of us and lead us in the right direction, according to His wonderful, flawless and beautiful plan.”

and you’d never guess where I found this.