this is raw.

I found this anonymous letter:

“I now pen these thoughts without the fear of judgement, without the fear of being judged, except by the one and only which is God. Even then, my fear isn’t quite justified given that He already knows my innermost thoughts even before I have written the very first word in this letter.

I shall refuse to give in to your advances because they are ambiguous and you may very well be just leading me on. I wish that you are clearer of your affections before you turn them on me. I know that you’re probably just testing the waters but if you’re hoping to get some answers from me, via signals or words showing some form of reciprocation, then I’m sorry. I can’t give that to you -at least from now on- I am too prideful for that. You have to be sure of youself, before you can be sure of me. Now, is that too much to ask?

And maybe all these could very well be just a figment of my imagination. I think that would be quite sad, because you have broken down a barrier which I have erected in my heart, of which I have struggled on countless of occasions to guard. And knowing that I’ve let it open -to you- albeit on just a few occasions, to things and feelings that were never really real (or were simply confused for that matter), certainly doesn’t do much good to me.

So before I get led on any further, be through your ambiguous advances (perhaps there’s a -hopefully- noble explanation or agenda behind it, or maybe they were just manifestations of my almost craze-like thoughts; picturing something that never really existed in the first place – I am a very imaginative person, a thinker by default.), I will guard. Inoculation at work here probably? Your advances, made weak by ambiguity, has made me guard more than ever. Not because of the fear or rejection, but for the love and obedience to His word. I guard because I want to be content in God, not because I fear being hurt.

I trust that when that comes, when you and I are ready, or maybe the former may be someone else, whatever it is, that God will provide a way for both of us and lead us in the right direction, according to His wonderful, flawless and beautiful plan.”

 

and you’d never guess where I found this.