have you ever had questions which you badly want answers to?
this is probably one of those times when being a thinker doesn’t help much.
i’m bombarded with thoughts, every now and then.
dear God, please take away any thought that’s not from you.
give it up shu hua, just give up the thoughts
don’t entertain them
it’s not worth it.
because i don’t want to go through a similar experience again.
MALAYSIA SALSA CONGRESS
1 more day to MSF! (:
can’t help but feel excited for the rest even though i’m not performing for this one.
am really going there to enjoy myself, spend time with friends, and soak up the sun (:
watch awesome performances, attend dance workshops, and chill-out.
bring on the lights, camera and action man. it’s gonna be fun.
today i realised what it means to lose to gain. as i was sitting at the backseat of the car, and as i thought about what has happened from yesterday till today, i just felt a rush of emotions that i probably kept within me for quite some time. i was touched by what i heard, but then again, was sad that i gave up something that was quite precious to me. thankfully my two friends in front were talking and that the car was dark, so they didnt notice me crying. it wld probably have scared them, haha.
true, i may have lost and sacrificed alot of things over the past few days, i wld be lying if i said i wasn’t disappointed or hurt. i mean, after going through so much effort and time, isn’t it a waste to give up such an opportunity? and after looking forward to something and having expectations for it, and then you realise that you suddenly have no more control over it, and it’s gone now, wldnt that be quite disappointing too?
probably what touches me deepest is the fact the God was there all along, He never let me go, He sought for ways to bring me back to Him. like how it is now. i thank God for giving me the courage to speak up and to make certain decisions. i dont think im at a disadvantage this time, in fact, im learnt so much more through this experience. God is definitely making his presence known to me in my life; t’was a good and timely reminder that He is sovereign and He is in control.
whatever decision i’ve made, is made. whatever that’s lost, let it be. there’s no reason to look back. only to look forward to the wonderful things to come.
“there will be more.”
thank you Lord, for being sovereign in my life. (:
knock knock
who’s there
problem 1
problem 1 who
problem 1 just came through.
knock knock
who’s there
problem 2
problem 2 who
problem 2 won’t kill you.
knock knock
who’s there
problem 3
problem 3 who
problem 3 is here to stay for a while too.
working and training under unrecovered sleep debt is not doing me any good, at all.
being pulled in a hundered different directions.
all the sacrifices that i’ve made.
i’ve tried to accomodate, tried to please everyone.
tried to cover all grounds.
but i think im reaching the limit.
how i wished, there were other things to distract me.
to serve as my form of escape.
but i know i still have to face it somehow, bravely.
it’s probably only matter of time, before i break probably.
i really dont know if it’s worth it.
i want to do so many things, but im still human afterall.
i can’t. i want, but i can’t.
because im tired. i really am tired.
two more days and i would have completed my 5-day home quarantine.
after which, it’s down to LOA aka leave of absence.
for the record, i am fine, i have no swine.
