oxpicious chinese niu year!

(BEWARE! verbal diarrheoa coming. im just going to regurgitate what has happened for the past 2 days; working under “power-saving” mode now you see. haha. just wanna write it down so that i can revisit the interesting happenings during CNY)

this yr’s CNY feels extremely terribly short  these two precious days passed by oh-too-quickly.

spent the whole of yesterday house-hopping. first house i visited was my great grandma’s house. there i was already bombarded with ”got-boyfriend-already-or-not” kind of questions by those grandaunts and aunties. i don’t know if it’s the age or what, but seems like most ladies tend to share similar experiences like this. its like, if you say yes, they would reply “oh then why never bring him along?”. and if you reply no, they would think that you’re just acting shy. another common comment i’ve receieved, “wahhh shu hua pretty already ah! cannot recognise you leh. so lady-like already ah..”

i last time very ugly meh.

also tried to catch up on some reading admist all the travelling and visiting, but to no avail. :( either i was too busy playing with the kids, or just cldnt concentrate. (just when i get comfortable, we have to move off to another destination.) and when i finally got down to finishing one chapter of my pol science assigned readings today, i got back home and found out  from an email from our TA that it was the wrong chapter. well done, good job, good game. sigh.

woke up exceptionally early to send dear abby off. 4am in the morning!! but it was nice having breakfast with rest at the airport, and waking up early kinda makes it seem like you have more hours in a day, more time to spend. so i guess it wasnt so bad waking up that early afterall. aretha and i went back to my house after sending abby off, and we watched dance videos throughout the wee hours of the morning till it was bright and sunny. when she went back, my body finally gave way to fatigue so i went back to sleep. haha. i was sleeping soundly…until my dad woke me up. time to go for visiting again. 

but today’s was interesting because got to visit my grandma’s sister’s family. we dont usually visit them you see. She cooked for us, her famous indonesian fare! (: it was so gooooooooooooood. can set up restaurant already. haha. it was like a full-course lunch kind of thing, complete with desert and tea. awesome stuff. our whole family sat at the round table and ate together. very cozy feeling. i felt very happy  aaah the simple joys of life.

went back to one of my aunt’s place (after many aunts’) as our last PIT-STOP. stayed there for dinner. but before that, i got to watch WALL-E. i must say i am very very impressed by the movie. i love how the animators portrayed each emotion so well in the characters, especially WALL-E. disney pixar rocks. it was such a lovely movie to watch. not to mention that all my little nieces and nephews were watching alongside with me; and with them around, they certainly made movie-watching a much more interesting affair. their “ooo”s and “aaahhh”s at anything and everything, and their inexhaustive list of questions “why is Wall-e running away?“, “why do they need the plant?“, “why are they following wall-e?“. these questions often go on and on because with my every (painfully-crafted) answer they would simply counter back with “..but why??“. hence i decided to just answer subsequent questions with “..hmm let’s see what wall-e does next!” (of course, said in an unnaturally enthusiastic manner.) but hey, it works.

so here i am, back home. tired but satisfied. ready to go back to my work.

overall not too bad a CNY this year i must say.

bailamos para siempre

- 22nd Jan 2009 -

met the rest at koufu for lunch (“OUR LAST MEAL”) before setting off to zouk.

reached zouk at about 1.30pm.

started decorating our pants with red sequins.

t’was a bit messy cos of the uncooperative glue bottle!

did mine in a simple design; three horizontal stripes that went round the waist like a sash (:

did blocking and dry-runs.

played with photographer’s SLR.

franctically looking for the banana mummy gave that morning.

got caught up with ticket issues.

butterflies in stomach

parents got lost, couldn’t find their way to zouk.

(they were holding on to the tickets for other friends)

finally they found 17 jiak kim street.

ran out to meet them, together with abby aretha and st.

went back to prep for performance. stretched a whole lot. feeling restless.

“salsa juniors please report to holding area.”

walked by the main road, saw a long queue waiting to enter zouk.

“oh goodness.” – i thought to myself.

final words from jwo.

final hugs and well-wishes.

and the heavy black curtains open.

 it’s showtime.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
before i knew it, it was all over.

 

thank you all who came down to support.

 

 

 ..and all those whose pictures i have not with me at the moment.

 

 

for all the sweat and tears; it was truly a night unforgettable.

maybe that’s why.

he said to me in the car,

“..do you remember that photo of you, where you just ran to the middle and started dancing on your own?”

i replied yes and asked why.

“..well, looks like you’ve got your dream.“

the big night.

i thank You for making me
for giving me hands and legs
the freedom to move

i thank you for im fearfully and wonderfully made.

i thank you for the rhythm of life
the joy of flight
for i know the sweat and tears
and efforts; not wasted

emotions in place
doubts aside
no holding back

your direction
my guidance

so here’s a dance
a very first
all i have to give

dear God,
this is for You.

it’s the thing about expectations.

i think sometimes i throw myself into smth wholeheartedly, so much so that my expectations and goals are raised to such a high level; so when things don’t go the way they should (or rather, the way i want to), i get disappointed. very much indeed.

there was this gig which the seniors secured for us: we were to perform at heeren this coming weekend (sat/sun) our piece which we will ultimately be performing at Bailamos (THE event which we’ve been training our hearts out for). it was thought to be a good exposure for us, you know, to practise performing in front of a live audience before the big day. but because of an internal reason, i wont be able to perform alongside with my other friends on either day. i first heard of the news on mon, but i kinda held on to the hope that things will work out and some miracle will happen by thurs, but today was the final call and i guess it’s confirmed: i won’t be performing for the heeren gig.

yeah i guess its no biggie, i will always get other opportunities to perform, already in quite a good shape not necessary to have the gig as extra prac……but then as i was walking back home i was analysing the reasons why i felt so let down and came to the conclusion that the reasons were:

1) Friends who could not make it for Bailamos could make it for the Heeren Gig, so i was looking forward to this opportunity to perform for them. And they were the ones whom i really wanted to perform for, to share with them what they have been so understanding and supportive of, for the past few months. it will also be my very first performance, and i had really wanted to share it with them.

2) To tell the truth, the feeling of being left out sucks. really it does. the thought of not being able to have the same shared experience as the rest of the girls just makes me feel, sad.

3) Its simple, after all that hardwork, its inevitable that you wanna see the “fruit” of your labour. here comes a perfect chance to “try-out” before the big day, it got my hopes up for a moment, but then it came and went away.

4) the sacrifices. one too many.

but interesingly enough,  i guess its also God’s way of telling me not to this whole cca as a form of idol; keeping me in check, giving me a wake-up call before more sacrifices are made and before its too late to make any ammendments. providing opportunities for me to serve others and putting them before myself. teaching me to guard my heart and learn to handle disappointments as a Christian should. i still struggle with the latter, but i’ve learnt better than to let my emotions come to play and make things more complicated than it should.

so when min-ci came up to me and asked, “can you help me with my make-up this coming sat?”, i knew what my role was for this coming weekend. (: im not going to sit at home, cry and moan about why i cant do this performance this time (for there are plenty to come, i trust your words edwin;) ), but instead i will do all i can to help my other girls with their make-up, welfare etc. everything i can to help make the performance go smoother. (yes quanda, i was draw fake abs for you. haha.) so i guess its not going to be the I and Me. its going to be Them.

you know, there is a reason why i hold this cca in such high regard, and why it means so much to me. i didnt join this cca to slack or play-play, i joined this cca to dance, to perform. but it wasn’t easy journey; from day one auditions, to getting through probation, to heavy trainings and until this stage where i’m ready to perform. i faced so much of my innermost fears and insecurities, and tackled the internal conflict which every now and then surfaces during trainings and catches me off-guard. it has taught me so much, and i’ve learnt to seriously treasure it. so perhaps thats why it upsets me when people dont take things seriously and have the “take-a-chill-pill” kind of attitude to it. Of course with me saying this doesnt imply my fellow cca friends do that. in fact, im pretty sure each other of them treasure being in the cca very much as well. its very apparent, you can tell that each one of them wants to give their best for the upcoming performance/s. (:

so back to the whole idea on expectations. i guess i placed too high a expectation on the different aspects of this cca. there are some standards and values which i shldn’t compromise on, which i wont, but apart from them, maybe i should just learn to lower them and enjoy the beauty of it all without all the worries and fuss.

patiently waiting for my turn to perform, next thurs at Bailamos! (:

PS:
just in case you were wondering what Bailamos is (full name “BAILAMOS PARA SIEMPRE” or “we dance forever”), its a latin dance party kind of thing with performances by US of course and other unis as well. its going to be held at Zouk though, and tickets will be priced at $18 each. do drop me a message if you are interested. im surprised that last week we were just saying that there were 600-700 more tickets to sell, and today, theres only 134 left. people ah, always last minute then buy tickets.

PSS: in case you’re wondering if the earlier posts have smth to do with this; all i can say that its related, but not the same thing.

testing 1 2 3.

on the quest to search for answers to tough questions.

okay now i know why i feel so uncomfortable,
im falling sick.

for a reason.

tis a separate issue;

God works in the most beautiful ways.
even though it may be painful.

never imagine it’ll be like this.
heart really very pain.

what do You want?

these things happen.

gosh just how do you express emotional pain in words.

i haven’t felt like this for a long time.
at least not this type of pain.
seems so foreign yet familiar at the same time.

whoa.
my heart hurts this time.
it really does.

we’re buddies, from now on. (:

God gave me two young angels today, right before the start of my school sem.

i know He is in control.
Make me assuredly Yours.

kan cheong spiders

my first reaction when i saw the emails was:

“aiyoh, why my profs so kan cheong one. school haven’t start but already got some many readings to do before the lessons.”

but when i flipped through the first few pages of my new (not to mention super duper expensive grrr) textbooks, i thought to myself:

“actually quite interesting arh!”

(:

(don’t ask me why i didnt get second-hand books. haha long story. okay so im off to immerse myself in those books now. hope the excitement lasts throughout this coming sem……)